Nazarick Movie Night
by Triple Zed
Summary: Ulbert Alain Odle left behind a data crystal of unprecedented danger to Nazarick - one containing the worst movies in history. The fate of Nazarick will depend on one question - can the guardians take a joke?
1. Chapter 1

In a time before time.

Ulbert Alain Odel was a man driven to evil by the dark desires that he could never voice aloud, for fear that the world would turn against him. Of course it was middle-schooler syndrome. As he scoured ancient knowledge in his endless search for eldritch horrors, he discovered an abomination. For you see, the Internet Archives contained a copy of the hundred lowest-rated animes in MyAnimeList, plus a collection of the worst movies ever made! A wicked thought entered his mind and corrupted it – wouldn't it be fun if he took them to Nazarick Movie Night?

Ulbert bought a cash item to transfer the data to a data crystal. Within a single minute, the rainbow crystal screen that cost the guild ten million gold coins had a gaping hole where Tabula Smaragdina had blasted it. Touch-Me was so outraged that he declared the two of them mortal enemies right then and there. Momonga had enjoyed the prank – he always seemed to love everything that people did.

As the shows continued, the guildies discussed how they would exterminate the ones responsible for these atrocities. Everyone shuddered when Bukubuchagama asked what was so bad about Boku no Pico. She was more terrifying than a raid boss- she dragged off her brother Peroronchino and had created Mare by the end of the night. This was indeed fortunate: had he seen the twenty-four episode anime adaptation of Twilight in its full glory, he would never have looked upon Shalltear Bloodfallen again. Ulbert received karmic payback when "Manos, the Hands of Fate" aired; Touchme brutally snarked that the hands motif reminded him of someone.

One of the guildies created the Neuronist so that they had a fail safe in case anyone ever pulled a stunt like that again. A few moments of torture was worth it to forget particularly traumatic memories. Momonga was often seen visiting the Neuronist afterwards, particularly whenever the devs released a particularly atrocious skin. Peroronchino in particular would visit whenever someone talked about Mare in front of him – it was as if he frightened by something in his past. A rumor was spread about Mare: he was truly the most terrifying being in Nazarick. No one ever dared to speak the words "Boku no Pico" in front of him, but it was noticed that he knew more tentacle related spells than was normal for a druid.

Nazarick was always kept clean by the maids, so eventually the videos were placed into a new home in the library among the data recording crystals.

Years passed, and Yggdrasil was nothing more than a shadow in the past. Forty of the Supreme Beings had passed on, and only Ainz Ooal Gown was left. But the videos that Ulbert had left behind remained in Nazarick, a cruel trap waiting to be sprung on a poor unsuspecting soul.

Titus Annaeus Secundus was maintaining the data recording crystals when he made a fantastic discovery: a crystal bearing the proud title "Nazarick Movie Night 2138". He immediately determined that the crystal contained movies that the Supreme Beings had made themselves, and concluded that the crystal was of the utmost historical importance. Having heard that the Floor Guardians held constant meetings in their time off to study the history of the Supreme Beings, Titus convinced Albedo to host a movie night.

Never in the history of Nazarick would the guardians be so close to rebellion.

Join us next time!


	2. Chapter 2

Prelude to the First Night

Throughout Titus' impassioned spiel about how the recording crystal was a priceless glimpse into the secret history of the guild members and blah blah blah, Albedo could not give a single shit about it. Once again, everyone was so obsessed about how great those traitors who hurt her beloved master were. She smiled like an angel, imagining Titus' shocked reaction if she smashed the crystal right in front of him. But Titus was useful to her, so she decided to "lose" the crystal instead. Destroying Nazarick's history was essential in her unceasing efforts to make Momonga the only Supreme Being.

But Albedo did not know Ainz had told the librarian to become friends with Mare. Mare was a child who existed to disrupt everything around him. He would wake up at three AM to read books for an hour, then he'd spend the next two hours plotting how to screw up everyone's plans. At five AM, his sister would wake up to start her work day. She would try to get him out of bed, but he would completely ignore her until she gave up. Then he'd actually sleep until ten AM, where his sister would nag him for two hours until he finally stopped pretending to be asleep and get out of bed. He enjoyed the daily ritual of annoying his sister while playing innocent, and he even trolled _Demiurge_ on an occasional basis. He actually worked harder than anyone else in Nazarick, and still convinced everyone that he was lazy. Sadistically toying with others was his sport, and no-one in Nazarick was the wiser – except Ainz of course. The other member of this diabolical pair, Titus, did nothing but memorize every single sentence in that library. He claimed that that he was the third smartest undead in Nazarick and that Shalltear and Ainz were above him in intelligence; Shalltear because afraid of her, and he was genuinely wrong about Ainz. At four AM every day, Mare would visit him and they'd plot together. Between the two of them, they knew practically everything about Nazarick. Because he was such a huge nerd, even though Titus had only seen the crystal once, he had already memorized the item's entire description.

Within one hour of Albedo losing the crystal, Titus had told Mare these fateful words:

"It was a fantastic discovery! The Supreme Beings left behind a recording crystal containing thousands upon thousands of images. I can't wait to hear about Hentai Kamen, Boku No Piko, Twilight..."

Titus knew not the horrors that he would unleash with those three words. For centuries, evil neuroscientists had been messing with brains to create the perfect supersoldiers, so they had practically mapped the whole thing already. The nanomachines that Yggdrasil players used were capable of taking over the human brain and everyone wore helmets to prove that they weren't responsible for going on killing sprees. Society was so awful to live in, people would play video games with potentially lethal consequences to have a brief respite from their lives.

When Bukubukuchagama had seen everyone's reactions to Boku No Piko, she imagined a world where everyone would be forced to watch it endlessly. Mare was equipped with Tentacle-related magic to trap everyone there until they had watched the whole thing, and memory magic to make them think they were watching it for the first time, again and again and again and again until they finally ran out of nanomachines. When it was finally over, the helmets would restore any lost memories, and Mare's victims would remember watching Boku no Piko for hours on end.

Now that the denizens of Nazarick had been given immortality in this new world, those hours of torture could turn into years of horrifying repressed memories. This was why the guild had created the Neuron Therapist – Neuronist. Only she could end the horror.

Those three words primed Mare's primal instincts. On the next meeting of the guardians, Mare said "Let's have a movie night!"

And so it was decided. The guardians prepared their snacks and sat down on the couch. Little did they know, they'd soon be trapped in an endless loop.


End file.
